Cyber Bullying & School Bullying

Parents should take school bullying seriously and often they are the first ones to detect the warning signs. However, some parents hesitate to tell the school teachers when they find out that their children are bullied in school. There are few reasons for parents to hesitate. One of them is that they are afraid that they might make the situation worse by telling the school. Or the parents feel embarrassed to tell the teachers fearing that the teachers might think of them as overly protective. Often times, the bullied children ask the parents not to tell the school and want to solve the problems on their own.

But children need parents’ help to prevent and stop school bullying. Call the school as soon as possible if the parents see any bullying warnings signs.

Parents’ involvement in bulling prevention and detection is essential in the battle of stopping bullying. But how do you find out if your children are being bullied if they are too embarrassed or too afraid to tell you. There are a few warning signs that parents should pay attention to:

1. If your child comes home with torn, damaged, or missing pieces of clothing, books, or other belongings;
2. Has unexplained cuts, bruises, and scratches when the child come home;
3. Complains frequently of headaches, stomachaches, or other physical issues;
4. Has trouble sleeping;
5. Shows a loss of appetite;
6. Appears anxious and suffers from low self-esteem,
7. does not have any friends or very few friends to play with;
8. Seems afraid of going to school, walking to and from school, riding the school bus, or taking part in organized activities with peers;
9. The child has no interest in school work or suddenly begins to do poorly in school;
10. When your child comes home appearing sad or moody.

Talk to your child if you see any of the 10 warning signs.

Source: U.S Department of Health and Human Services

Bullying is aggressive behavior that involves an imbalance of power or strength. Often, bullying is repeated over time.

Conflict involves antagonism among two or more people. Whereas any two people can have a conflict (or a disagreement or a fight), bullying only occurs where there is a power imbalance—where one child has a hard time defending himself or herself. Why is the difference between bullying and conflict important? Conflict resolution or mediation strategies are sometimes misused to solve bullying problems. These strategies can send the message that both children are “partly right and partly wrong,” or that, “We need to work out the conflict between you.” These messages are not appropriate messages in cases of bullying (or in any situation where someone is being victimized). The appropriate message to the child who is bullied should be, “Bullying is wrong and no one deserves to be bullied. We are going to do everything we can to stop it.”

Source: U.S Department of Health and Human Services

• Bullying among children is aggressive behavior that is intentional and that involves an imbalance of power or strength.
• Bullying can seriously affect the emotional, physical, and academic well-being of children who are bullied.
• Dealing with discipline problems related to bullying incidents can take a good deal of administrators’ and educators’ time during a school day.
• Bullying can contribute to a negative climate in schools.
• Bullying is more prevalent than many adults suspect.

Everyone in the school environment will benefit from implementation of an effective bullying prevention program.

Before implementing any efforts to address bullying or other violence at school, keep in mind that

• Effective programs require strong administrative leadership and ongoing commitment on the part of the adults in the school system.
• Those programs that show the most promise are comprehensive in approach. They involve the entire school community, including families, and can take the forms of school-wide interventions, classroom activities, and individual interventions.
• Bullying prevention efforts should begin early–as children transition into kind–and continue throughout the children’s education.
• Effective bullying prevention programs should have no “end date” but should instead become part of the life of your school. Ongoing staff development is important to sustain bullying prevention programs.

Source: U.S Department of Health and Human Services

As adults, we may feel uncertain about how to handle bullying when we see or hear it happening. We may respond in ways that don’t make the best use of the opportunity to teach a young person the difference between appropriate and inappropriate behavior. Bullying among children is inappropriate because it is aggressive behavior that is intentional and involves an imbalance of power and strength. If the situation is not handled appropriately, we could end up inadvertently promoting, rather than reducing, bullying. Here are some tips to help respond more effectively on the spot and make the best use of the “teachable moment” with all students at school.

Source: U.S. Department of Health & Human Services

Out-of-school time settings present some particular challenges and opportunities for preventing and addressing bullying.

Challenges

* Bullying thrives where there is not enough supervision. When adult staff and volunteers supervise large numbers of youth, bullying may go unnoticed.
* Adults who do not interact with children regularly (e.g., meet once or twice a week and for brief periods) are often unfamiliar with the youths’ personalities, behavior patterns, and friendships. This can make it difficult for adults to tell the difference among bullying, rough play, and conflicts between youth and to know how and when to intervene.
* Staff with extended-day programs may find that bullying during the school day carries over into before- and after-school activities.

Opportunities

* Some children learn best from less structured, hands-on experiences and without the pressure and competition typical in the classroom setting. Out-of-school time programs can easily integrate lessons that build self-control, confidence, and even resilience to bullying.
* Children usually bully peers who are their same age or younger. In out-of-school time settings that include children of different ages, younger children may be at risk for being bullied. This offers an opportunity to call upon older adolescents to mentor or protect younger children or others who may be particularly vulnerable to bullying.
* Children and youth who are bullied at school can benefit greatly from taking part in activities that allow them to pursue their interests and discover their talents and develop friendships with peers who share these interests. Doing so can increase their self-assurance and self-esteem. Children who are bullied also may benefit from having a chance to make friends with peers other than their classmates. Sometimes it can be a relief for these children to interact with peers who don’t go to their school and who don’t view them as a victim of bullying.
* Children and youth who bully others in school tend to spend time with peers who support their bullying and who have positive attitudes toward violence. They, too, may benefit from community programs that separate them from their classmates. In closely supervised and structured settings, it is possible to challenge children who bully to use their social skills in constructive and appropriate ways.

Source: U.S. Department of Health & Human Services

Bullying is aggressive behavior that is intentional and that involves an imbalance of power or strength. Often, it is repeated over time. Bullying can take many forms such as hitting, punching (physical bullying); teasing or name-calling (verbal bullying); intimidation through gestures or social exclusion (nonverbal bullying or emotional bullying); and sending insulting messages by e-mail (cyberbullying).

Students report that most bullying happens at school, but bullying does not stop at the end of the school day. Children and youth are also involved in bullying in out-of-school time programs. Although there is very little research on bullying in these settings, a recent national study of sixth through tenth graders in the U.S. (Nansel et al., 2003) found that

• Nine percent of boys and 5 percent of girls reported that they had been bullied away from school “sometimes” or “weekly” (compared with 16 percent of boys and 11 percent of girls who reported being bullied at school).
• Children who bully and who are bullied (both in school and away from school) are more likely than other children to be involved in fighting and carry a weapon. In fact, 70 percent of boys and 30–40 percent of girls who were involved in bullying outside of school on a weekly basis reported carrying a weapon in the past month.

Source: Department of Health and Human Services

Because cyberbullying can range from rude comments to lies, impersonations, and threats, your responses may depend on the nature and severity of the cyberbullying.  Here are some actions that you may want to take after-the-fact.

• Strongly encourage your child not to respond to the cyberbullying.
• Do not erase the messages or pictures. Save these as evidence.
• Try to identify the individual doing the cyberbullying. Even if the cyberbully is anonymous (e.g., is using a fake name or someone else’s identity) there may be a way to track them through your Internet Service Provider. If the cyberbullying is criminal (or if you suspect that it may be), contact the police and ask them to do the tracking.
• Sending inappropriate language may violate the “Terms and Conditions” of email services, Internet Service Providers, Web sites, and cell phone companies. Consider contacting these providers and filing a complaint.
• If the cyberbullying is coming through email or a cell phone, it may be possible to block future contact from the cyberbully. Of course, the cyberbully may assume a different identity and continue the bullying.
• Contact your school. If the cyberbullying is occurring through your school district’s Internet system, school administrators have an obligation to intervene. Even if the cyberbullying is occurring off campus, make your school administrators aware of the problem. They may be able to help you resolve the cyberbullying or be watchful for face-to-face bullying.
• Consider contacting the cyberbully’s parents. These parents may be very concerned to learn that their child has been cyberbullying others, and they may effectively put a stop to the bullying.  On the other hand, these parents may react very badly to your contacting them. So, proceed cautiously. If you decide to contact a cyberbully’s parents, communicate with them in writing — not face-to-face. Present proof of the cyberbullying (e.g., copies of an email message) and ask them to make sure the cyberbullying stops.
• Consider contacting an attorney in cases of serious cyberbullying. In some circumstances, civil law permits victims to sue a bully or his or her parents in order to recover damages.
• Contact the police if cyberbullying involves acts such as:
  • Threats of violence
  • Extortion
  • Obscene or harassing phone calls or text messages
  • Harassment, stalking, or hate crimes
  • Child pornography

If you are uncertain if cyberbullying violates your jurisdiction’s criminal laws, contact your local police, who will advise you.

Source: U.S. Department of Health & Human Services

• Keep your home computer(s) in easily viewable places, such as a family room or kitchen.
• Talk regularly with your child about online activities that he or she is involved in.
  • Talk specifically about cyberbullying and encourage your child to tell you immediately if he or she is the victim of cyberbullying, cyberstalking, or other illegal or troublesome online behavior.  View the Campaign’s Webisodes with your child and discuss in particular Webisode 5 that addresses cyberbullying.
  • Encourage your child to tell you if he or she is aware of others who may be the victims of such behavior.
  • Explain that cyberbullying is harmful and unacceptable behavior.  Outline your expectations for responsible online behavior and make it clear that there will be consequences for inappropriate behavior.
• Although adults must respect the privacy of children and youth, concerns for your child’s safety may sometimes override these privacy concerns.  Tell your child that you may review his or her online communications if you think there is reason for concern.
• Consider installing parental control filtering software and/or tracking programs, but don’t rely solely on these tools.

Source: U.S. Department of Health & Human Services

According to one telephone survey of preteens and teens (Fight Crime: Invest in Kids, 2006):

• 51% of preteens but only 35% of teens who had been cyberbullied had told their parents about their experience.
• 27% of preteens and only 9% of teens who had been cyberbullied had told a teacher.
• 44% of preteens and 72% of teens who had been cyberbullied had told a friend.
• 31% of preteens and 35% of teens who had been cyberbullied had told a brother or sister.
• 16% of preteens and teens who had been cyberbullied had told no one.

Source: U.S. Department of Health & Human Services